(Toronto Sun) – The CRTC says a group of Canadian porn channels needs a few more naughty Newfoundlanders, Manitoba MILFs and promiscuous prairie girls. In a notice posted online Wednesday, the telecommunications regulator warned that channels owned by Toronto-based Channel Zero — including porn stations AOV Adult Movie Channel, AOV XXX Action Clips and AOV Maleflixxx — are not complying with the requirement for 35% Canadian content.
What’s more, the CRTC alleges Channel Zero is providing less than the required 90% closed captioning for its various “oohs” and “ahhs.”
Get a load of Canada, huh? There are so many problems here I don’t really even know where to start. First of all, who the fuck is watching porn on cable? I guess you really can’t put anything past Canadians but it’s 2014 and you would think that even our slow friends to the north had discovered internet porn. Secondly, what type of rule is it that 35% of the porn they are airing needs to be Canadian made? Nobody cares where their porn is coming from. It’s not like somebody is going to be mid stroke and say to themselves, “Wait, I wonder where this fine film was produced…What! California?! I’m done with this. I only tug domestic.” And finally, this whole 35% mandate is a moot point because everyone knows like 90% of all porn is produced in Hollywood’s uglier cousin to the north: The San Fernando Valley. Nobody wants to see a bunch of Canadians getting it on. Even Canadians don’t want to see their fellow countrymen getting it on. Their only shot might be a Rob Ford and/or Bieber sex tape. Best to leave it to the good ole U.S. of A. to produce your spank material.
-The Senator
Barstool Westside 